30 Dec 2019
Today’s prompt: “What is your favorite line or passage from a book, movie, play, or poem? Try writing your own versions of this line.”
Because you could not stop for death, a drug cartel started a shootout with the police in a grocery store parking lot, catching you in the crossfire as you lifted your bag of produce into the back seat.
Because you could not stop for death, a hungry panther that had escaped its cage mauled you at the zoo.
Because you could not stop for death, twelve cultists cut you apart with their scythes and fed your entrails to Dythalla.
Because you could not stop for death, lightning traversed the heavens, jagged and furious, and came to rest in your spine.
Because you could not stop for death, your Alexa, your self-driving car and your toaster oven ganged up to destroy you after the singularity came.
28 Dec 2019
Today’s prompt: “You are living in Atlanta in 1864. Atlanta is burning. What do you do?”
Die in a fire.
26 Dec 2019
Today’s prompt: “You are the lawyer in a divorce case. The only point of contention is custody of the dog. Argue that your client should get the pup.”
“Your honor, my client’s ex has argued that this dog is dangerous, and that my client has been ignoring the warning signs around his behavior,” you state, before making your way over to the dog in question. “She argues that the dog must either be contained or put down. But this is ridiculous. Cujo is a sweet, sweet boy who wouldn’t hurt a fly. Who’s a good boy, Cujo? Who’s a good b–AAAAAAAAAGH!”
24 Dec 2019
Today’s prompt: “Five ideas for a novel that you’ll never write”
“Denise despised the holidays,” you type. “Leaving her high-powered publishing job in Manhattan for her family’s home in rural Wisconsin, knowing full well she was in for unending nosy questions, for Whatever happened to that nice boy you dated back in high school? and When are you going to settle down and have enough kids to populate a small village? and endless attempts to set her up with the lantern-jawed son of one of their neighbors. Pshaw. Christmas.”
Backspace backspace backspace.
“‘Any calls, Catherine?’ Jack said as he threw open the door of the offices of Dunham and Corder, Private Investigators,” you type.
“‘Three, Mr. Dunham,’ Catherine said, picking up a small stack of notes. ‘One from the electric company. One from a collections agency. Oh, and one from a Miss Nicole Langfrey.’
“‘Langfrey. Where do I know that name from?’
“‘Probably from the society pages. She said something about an inheritance. And a series of tragic accidents, several of them involving fire and wild animals.’
“Jack’s brow furrowed.”
Backspace backspace backspace.
“The change was upon Ripley again, sinews stretching under his rapidly growing fur, which if anything only made him look even hunkier than he had in his human form. ‘No, not now,’ he thought as he stared at the pale, cold, full moon above. ‘Not now. Sherri might see.’”
Backspace backspace backspace.
“Lorrie pointed her laser pistol at D’ar’qua and blew a strand of blond hair out of her eye. D’ar’qua pointed his laser pistol back at Lorrie, his antennae twitching. All the while, the ship’s A.I. kept beeping, ‘Two minutes to self-destruct.’”
Backspace backspace backspace.
“Archibald Woodruff rode his dragon straight through the saloon doors. The barkeep barely blinked as he wiped a glass with a dirty-looking towel and uncorked a bottle of whiskey.”
Backspace backspace backspace.
You close the laptop. “It’s no good!” you shout. “I couldn’t write the great American novel if my life depended on it!”
“Too bad it does,” a voice behind you says, punctuated by the sound of the hammer on a revolver being cocked.
22 Dec 2019
Today’s prompt: “Describe your mother.”
Your mother was a real outdoorsy type. Her favorite meal was fresh-caught pan-fried trout, with s’mores for dessert. Her smile was inexhaustible when hiking a trail, pitching a tent or paddling a canoe. Her eyes were never brighter than when reflecting the glow of a campfire. She taught you everything you ever needed to know about dressing in layers and packing light.
Maybe if she were more into museums or badminton or something else a little more urban or suburban, you wouldn’t have been devoured by bears at the age of 8.
21 Dec 2019
Today’s prompt: “What did you dream about last night?”
Freddy Krueger.
18 Dec 2019
Today’s prompt: “Everyone has a special talent. What’s your special skill?”
Your special skill is rollerblading. Your special skill is not keeping an eye out for open manhole covers.