20 Apr 2020
Today’s prompt: “How someone saved your life”
I will never forget how I was crossing the street, headphones in, oblivious to my surroundings, when suddenly a body crashed into me from behind, shoulder pressing into my back, rushing me forward, shoving me to the sidewalk. I turned my head to yell, “What the hell….” And then I saw the truck barrelling through the space I had just occupied, unable to brake.
You got up. Extended your hand. Pulled me to my feet. Seriously, it was like out of a movie.
I will never forget how the next truck with failing brakes launched itself onto the curb and plowed into you before I could pull you out of its path.
They finally caught the guy who’d been severing everybody’s brake lines.
I still visit your grave. I wish I’d had your reflexes.
18 Apr 2020
Today’s prompt: “Think of a person you despise. Now describe all the wonderful things about that person.”
I don’t love the fact that he’s eating you right now, but it is rather impressive the way Cthulhu keeps his mouth-tentacles clean and well-groomed. A lot of guys with facial hair, it’s pretty common to catch them with a little beer froth or scrambled egg stuck in their beard. But Cthulhu? Not a speck of viscera on those tentacles.
16 Apr 2020
Today’s prompt: “Write your will, explaining who gets what and your changes of mind over the years about it.”
I, [insert your name here], being of sound mind and body, hereby declare this to be my last will and testament.
I hereby bequeath my Chevy Nova to NPR, since those Car Talk guys were pretty funny, and since my brother, who I was originally going to give it to, joined one of those death cults – I think it was the Brotherhood of the Beast – and ever since then at family gatherings he’s been looking at me like a pork chop on a stick at the state fair.
My house is to be sold and the proceeds are to be donated to Wounded Warriors. It was originally going to go to my fiancé Sam (or is it fiancée? I can never remember which one’s which), but I broke off the engagement when I found out they’re a member of the Chesuncook Witch Coven, and I didn’t particularly feel like ending up in a pit of hungry shoggoths.
Everything else can just go to Goodwill. I was going to give the china and furniture to my sister, the entertainment center to my nephew, and my comics collection to my niece, but since they joined the Chorazos Cult, those murderous Yog-Sothoth worshippers ain’t gettin’ nothing.
14 Apr 2020
Today’s prompt: “A woman is struggling to get a large package into the trunk of her car. Her son doesn’t get out of the car to help her. Write the scene.” [Ignoring the gender in the prompt as usual.]
“How does he not see that I could use a little help here?” you think as you again adjust your grasp on the large, unevenly packed box before the far right corner nearly crashes into your taillight. Your biceps strain and you focus on redistributing your grip around the box to make your fourth attempt at shoving it in the trunk.
“How do they not see that knife-wielding maniac sneaking up behind them?” your son thinks, too terrified to move or speak.
12 Apr 2020
Today’s prompt: “Write a love scene from the point of view of your hands.”
“Hey big guy,” a young man’s voice says huskily. A smile erupts over the face of the guard who’s been watching over you. The rope chafes at your wrists.
You’re suspended from the ceiling. Your hands are bound above your head, and your entire weight pulls on them.
“It’s good to see you, Eric,” the guard says, the spear relaxing in his hand. He sniffs the air. “Is that…”
“Kung pao chicken, from the Golden Chimera,” Eric says.
You’re starting to lose feeling in the index finger of your right hand.
“You’re too good to me,” the guard says. “You didn’t have to come to work to bring me dinner.”
“How else am I going to get to see you? You’ve been pulling doubles all week.”
You try to wiggle your finger to see if you can bring life back into it. You can barely move it.
“Lotta rebels getting captured,” the guard says. “The emperor wants to witness all their deaths personally, but he’s a busy guy.”
“I hope there’s a respite in the war soon,” Eric says. “You’re always so tired when you get home.”
The guard’s left arm envelops Eric’s shoulders and pulls him in close for a kiss. When their mouths finally part, the guard tilts his forehead in toward Eric’s and looks directly into his eyes.
“I promise you,” he says. “When all this is over. You and I are going out on the town.”
You shift your weight and a shock of pain travels up your left forearm and into your left palm.
A giddy smile lights up Eric’s face. The guard continues. “We’re going to the Crooked Ledge for drinks. We’re going dancing at the Painted Pony. We’re taking an ostrich cart to East Side Park, and we’ll walk among the wisteria trees.”
“An ostrich cart ride! Those are so expensive!”
“And I’m pulling a lot of time and a half.”
The throbbing in your left arm and hand have subsided a bit, but now you notice the scratch of the rope digging into the heel of your left hand.
Eric and the guard kiss again, lightly this time, and Eric rummages in the bag of Chinese food. They sit and eat their kung pao chicken. After they finish eating, they sit together for a while, the guard’s arm around Eric, Eric’s head resting on the guard’s shoulder.
The door opens and the guard immediately stands to attention, spear upright, expression stoic. Eric quietly gathers the food containers.
“Carson! The emperor is ready. Bring the prisoner to the execution chamber.”
Eric leaves with the trash. Carson unties the other end of the rope and lowers you from the ceiling. Your hands and the muscles in your arms experience a slight release from agony before being pinned behind your back, and you are marched up to meet the emperor and your executioner.
10 Apr 2020
Today’s prompt: “Your grandmother gave you a book that you refuse to read. What’s the book? Write a thank-you note to your grandmother, pretending that you read it.”
“Dear Grandma,” you write,
“Thank you for sending me volume 1 of Young Spellcasters: Protection Spells Against Occult Forces. That spell on page 18 for ‘Warding Against Baba Yaga’ sounds particularly useful. You never know when a house with chicken legs might come your way,” you type, rolling your eyes all the while.
“I’ll bet the conjuration on page 55 for turning a pumpkin into a getaway vehicle could be equally useful,” you write. “You never know when you’re going to have to drive away from a chicken-legged house at a moment’s notice.
“And the spell on page 63, ‘Defeathering the Flock,’” you write. “I’m sure that’ll be extremely valuable when part bird, part domicile things start showing up outside my house.”
You hit “print,” watch the printer spit out a page, and sign your name along the bottom of the letter. You fold it up and tuck it into an envelope. You neatly print your grandmother’s address on the envelope and affix a stamp. You take the envelope outside and stare at massive chicken legs jutting out from the bottom of the house standing next to your mailbox. Chicken legs large enough to crush you to death.
08 Apr 2020
Today’s prompt: “Your character is swimming in a lake, not wearing her glasses. She squints at a shape coming toward her in the water. What does she think she sees?” [As usual, modifying to be gender neutral. Also modifying to be the ocean rather than a lake.]
What is that? A whale?
A whale with a mouthful of long strands of kelp?
A whale with a cephalopod balanced on its snout, its tentacles streaming toward you?
A whale with a cephalopod on its snout and the evilest yellow eyes you’ve ever seen?
A whale with a cephalopod on its snout and evil yellow eyes and claws and teeth that are unnecessarily sharp for plankton?