Stop Believing
27 Sep 2021Today’s prompt: “Begin writing with the following sentence: ‘That was the time he stopped believing _____.’”
That was the time you stopped believing in Santa Claus. Being flogged to death by Krampus will do that to you.
Today’s prompt: “Begin writing with the following sentence: ‘That was the time he stopped believing _____.’”
That was the time you stopped believing in Santa Claus. Being flogged to death by Krampus will do that to you.
Today’s prompt: “Interview a person you think you know well. Ask questions you’ve never before asked.”
You: Hey, Cthuhu, we’ve known each other for a while now, right?
Cthuhu: For about as long as I’ve known any sub-Elder God, sure.
You: What do you like to eat when you’re not eating humans?
Cthulhu: Mostly I just like eating humans.
You: Right, but, variety’s the spice of life. What else do you like to eat?
Cthulhu: I had a peanut butter and banana sandwich once. It was pretty good.
You: You had a peanut butter and banana sandwich?
Cthulhu: I mean, not intentionally. It just happened to be in a human’s pocket.
You: Oh, cool. Do you think you could live off of peanut butter and banana sandwiches?
Cthulhu: “Live off?”
You: You know. Subsist on.
Cthulhu: I do not live in the way your limited sub-Elder God mind can process.
You: Okay.
Cthulhu: I exist outside of space and time.
You: Okay.
Cthulhu: I do not require food for subsistence.
You: Okay.
Cthulhu: That doesn’t mean I don’t get hungry.
You: Of course! Of course.
Cthulhu: You get it.
You: So could you be sated with peanut butter and banana sandwiches?
Cthulhu: Don’t be ridiculous.
You: But they’ve got protein, and potassium.
Cthulhu: They also get stuck to the roof of your mouth.
You: Sure, but–
Cthulhu: And humans have that nice bone crunch and those juicy insides.
You: Right.
Cthulhu: So who did you bring for me to eat today?
You: So, uh, I was thinking. How about a nice sandwich today? I’ve got a bunch of bananas in my kitchen, and a loaf of bread, and some peanut butter.
[Pause.]
Cthulhu: How many slices of bread are there?
You: Let’s see. I had a couple sandwiches already from it, so it looks like maybe, 16?
Cthulhu: So, enough for eight sandwiches.
You: Sixteen, if we make them open face.
Cthulhu: Don’t be crass, they’re messy enough as is. Let’s have a look at those bananas.
You (holding up bananas): Here they are.
Cthulhu: Those are verging on black already.
You: They’re great for banana bread that way!
Cthulhu: What’s the weight on that loaf of bread?
You: The wrapper says 24 ounces.
Cthulhu: And those bananas. How much do they weigh?
You: Maybe a couple pounds?
Cthulhu: And how much do you weigh?
You: That’s kind of a personal question.
Cthulhu: A lot more than eight sandwiches.
You: I could always make a run to the store.
Cthulhu: I’m very hungry.
You: …So aside from eating, what do you like to do in your spare time?
Cthulhu: Very hungry.
Today’s prompt: “Eavesdrop today – on the bus, in line for lunch, or on the street. What do people say? What do they really sound like?”
Killer 1, who is currently approaching your house: So what do you think this guy did, anyway?
Killer 2, who is also currently approaching your house: I don’t know. Ain’t my business.
Killer 1: You ain’t curious?
Killer 2: I ain’t paid to be curious, and you ain’t paid to ask questions.
Killer 1: Okay.
Killer 2: Asking questions is how you get on the boss’s shit list.
Killer 1: Okay! (Brief pause.) You sure this is the right house?
Killer 2: He wrote down the address. (Digs in his pocket for a scrap of paper; presents it to Killer 1.)
Killer 1: Is that a 1 or a 7?
Killer 2: That’s a 7.
Killer 1: His 1’s look like 7’s to me.
Killer 2: It’s clearly a 7.
Killer 1: Why don’t we give him a call, make sure we’re right?
Killer 2: Do you want to bother him at this hour?
Killer 1: … No.
Killer 2: Do you want to explain to him that this asshole he’s been chasing from safehouse to safehouse for months got away because you wanted to look up the address?
Killer 1: … No.
Killer 2: Then get your fucking gun out. We’re here.
Today’s prompt: “Retell the most recent joke you’ve heard as a short piece of fiction.” (I don’t remember what the last joke I heard was, so I’m going with this one.)
Okay, so there’s these two muffins baking in an oven. And the first one says, “Jeez, it’s hot in here.” And the second one says, “Oh my god, a talking muffin!” And the first one says, “No, no, I’m a human being who’s been magically transformed into muffin batter! Oh god, no, I wasn’t made to withstand these temperatures! Oh my god, I’m literally being cooked alive!”
And that muffin was you.
Today’s prompt: “Imagine an incident from your past in super-slow motion, including your thoughts.”
Ohhhhhhh noooooooo, you’re runnnnninnnggg awaaaaayyyyy from the beeeeaaaassssst soooooo slooooooowwwwlyyyy, but iiiiiittt iiiiiiissssnnnn’ttt sloooooooowwwwwed dowwwwwwnnnn at allllllllll….
Today’s prompt: “Write about what you’ll be worrying about five years from now. Ten years from now. Thirty years from now.”
Oh, I don’t think you need to worry about the future. You should be worried about now, and what’s outside your window.
Today’s prompt: “Write ten new cheers for a high-school cheerleading squad.”