Revenge
25 Mar 2022Today’s prompt: “Go to a new restaurant you’ve been dying to try. Enjoy your meal. Go home and write a review as an undercover food critic.”
Last night I went to Revenge, the swanky new restaurant on 14th. I had to make reservations a day in advance. When I got there, the place was packed. Seems like everyone wants some Revenge.
The atmosphere had a flair for the dramatic. The walls were painted black. The wall in front of me had a giant red slash over a foot wide going from down left toward the upper right part of the wall. It had a faux dry brush effect to it, as if it had been painted by the brush of a giant. Behind me was a red ‘R’ rendered in a graffiti art style. The lights were dim. The music had an “eerie classical” vibe.
The man at the table next to me had ordered a Montezuma’s Revenge (a shot glass of tequila dropped into a Corona), and the woman with him had a classic martini. I ordered one of the restaurant’s specialty drinks, the Bloody Vengeance, a blood orange margarita with chile salt and a drizzle of habañero oil. It was a gorgeous pinkish red, sweet and citrusy with a hit of heat at the end. Yes please.
The bread course was well done as well – a sweet and savory black bread with chia seeds and black sesame seeds, fresh from the oven, served with a soft whipped butter that melted right into it. I stared at the walls as I sipped my drink and munched my bread. Bloody and black. I’m sensing a theme.
At long last, my main course came. When I called the restaurant, I gave them my name and the date and time I wanted to make a reservation, and then I was asked to give them another name. I gave them yours. (You know what you did.) My waiter came out with a covered dish and dramatically lifted the lid to reveal your head on a platter.
I must admit to being a bit disappointed in the main course. The presentation was excellent, of course. Your head was served over a carrot and parsnip purée and garnished with fresh herbs and a dusting of sumac. But the whole dish was thrown off by the fact that your head was not properly chilled. It’s almost like the proprietors of Revenge don’t understand the proper serving temperature of their eponymous dish.