Lolita
08 Dec 2021Today’s prompt: “Write a letter from a forty-five-year-old Lolita to an elderly Humbert Humbert about the way he destroyed her childhood.” (I will be playing with the format on this one. Also, seriously, all the trigger warnings on this one. This one might be worth skipping.)
“Welcome back to KQQQ, and just before the break, we were talking with Dolores ‘Lolita’ Schiller. When Lolita was just a child, a man who rented a room from her mother abducted and repeatedly raped her immediately following the death of her mother. Lolita, if Humbert Humbert is listening to this, is there anything you’d want to say to him?”
“I just wish he would understand how his actions completely ruined my life. I was never able to grow up like a normal girl. I still have flashbacks to the degrading things he would make me do. I didn’t get to have childhood friends because he took me on the run with him, and then when we finally got to a place where we stayed for a while he controlled who I could see and talk to. When I finally got married and tried to have a normal life, sex was always fraught for me, and when I got pregnant, I was constantly worried. What if it’s a girl? What if something happens to her like what happened to me? I feel really lucky that I found my husband. For a while, I felt like Humbert Humbert had put some kind of mark on me. I swear, people like him can smell psychosexual damage on you, and it makes it hard to escape from people like them. When I finally figured out how to run away from Humbert Humbert, the man I ran off with turned out to be a child pornographer. I came so close to saying yes to being in his films. So close. Sometimes I thought, maybe this is all I’m good for.”
“That’s horrible, just horrible, Lolita, and we have absolutely got to stop Hillary Clinton and her Democrat pedophiles–”
“Wait, what–”
”–and give them the justice they so richly deserve.”
“This doesn’t have anything to do with–”
“Looks like we have a caller on line 1, go ahead caller.”
“Hi Mike, this is Bob, love your show, first time long time! Hey, I did a web search on this Humbert Humbert guy and I think he looks like this guy I’ve seen going into the basement of this pizza place, I think it’s called Asteroid Pinball. I saw him in there last week. I think he goes there a lot. I think there’s a child sex trafficking ring down there.”
“Oh no, not another Pizzagate–”
“Wow, Bob, fantastic tip! Lolita, maybe someone can catch Humbert Humbert at this Asteroid Pinball place before he does anything else to any other little kids!”
“Look, I don’t like this. You asked me to come on here and tell my story, and I did, because I hoped maybe I’d feel better afterwards. What happened to me, I truly suffered. I have nightmares to this day. I wish no child had to experience anything like it. But you’re treating me like this pawn for you to take cheap political shots at people who aren’t actually pedophiles, and siccing your fans on innocent people. I know Humbert Humbert wasn’t at that pizza place last week because he’s–”
“Looks like we’ve got another caller! Go ahead, caller.”
“Hi Mike! This is Jim! I’m locked and loaded and headed to Asteroid Pinball! Whooo!”
“Great work, Jim, sometimes we need second amendment remedies for things like this. Sometimes you need a good guy with a gun.”
“As I was saying, I know Humbert Humbert isn’t at that pizza parlor because he’s in prison right now! He’s serving time for a murder conviction for shooting the guy who wanted me to be in his porn films. If that guy goes into that pizza place with a gun, he could hurt innocent people!”
“Look, Lolita, you have to stop blaming yourself and siding with your abusers. No one who would do that to a child is innocent.”
“That’s not what I–”
“Listeners, we have breaking news. Shots were fired inside the Asteroid Pinball. Two employees were struck, and one of them was pronounced dead. No word yet on whether they were pedophiles, but it appears right now that they were just making pizza. Also, apparently the Asteroid Pinball does not have a basement.”