Survivor
01 Dec 2021Today’s prompt: “Interview your oldest relative.”
“What’s your secret to living so long?” you ask your great-great-grandma.
“Fuckin’ clean living,” your great-great-grandma says, taking a drag of her third chain-smoked cigarette followed by a sip of bourbon.
“No, seriously,” you say.
“Well, actually, death has come for me many times,” she says.
“Really?”
“But he always seems to take someone else instead. I’ve been in car wrecks. Shipwrecks. I’ve had more deadly diseases than I remember the names of. But just when it seemed like I was ready to die, someone else near me would die instead.” She takes another sip of bourbon.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I’d be half-dead in a hospital bed, and suddenly the nurse keels over, and the next day I’m discharged like nothing happened. It’s like death’s on my trail, but he loses my scent and gets confused and takes the first person he sees.” She takes another drag of her Kools.
A skeletal figure in a black robe appears before you. His scythe drops toward your neck, and suddenly you’re watching your great-great-grandma talking to your body as your head tilts back.
Your great-great-grandma isn’t watching either you or your body. She’s too busy lighting another cigarette with the butt of the one she just finished. “I think it might be a pheromone thing,” she mumbles.