I Can't Get No

17 May 2021

Today’s prompt: “A beginner’s guide to complete satisfaction”

If you look at it from a purely biological standpoint, no one can ever truly be satisfied. You can eat, but you’ll just get hungry again. You can drink, but you’ll just get thirsty again. You can never be truly sated. There’s really only one way to be completely satisfied: do the thing you like to do best, and then immediately die.

Have the best meal of your life, and then die.

Have the best sex of your life, and then die.

Have the best concert/hang gliding experience/base jumping session/whitewater rafting trip/insert your favorite euphoric activity here that you’ve ever had, and then die.

Dying immediately afterwards, before the banality of everyday life has a chance to drown out your bliss, is really important. And fortunately for you, it’s completely taken care of, thanks to those well-placed assassins.