Expense Report
26 Feb 2021Today’s prompt: “Explain to your boss why you spent $5,000 during one business meeting and why he should reimburse you.”
Your phone rings. You pick it up. Your boss’s name pops up. You answer.
“Hey, Dave, what’s up? We were just getting on the boat.”
“Hey, I was just looking at those expense reports you’ve been filing from R’lyeh.”
“Oh, yeah. I’ve got Concur on my phone, so I figured I’d get a jump on filing them while I’m out here, as soon as I get receipts.”
“Sure, but I had some questions about some of the expenses.”
“Was it dinner last night? I know we went a little bit over the per diem, but I don’t think it was much. It’s hard to tell with the exchange rate.”
“That’s not the issue.”
“Was it the club? We were taking clients there, and I swear to god, I didn’t think bottle service was going to cost that much.”
“That was definitely on the expensive side, but if they signed the contract, it’ll more than make up for it. No, I was mostly wondering about this $3,428 charge at NecronomicInk.”
“Oh! Me and the whole crew decided to get tats.”
“And the company should reimburse this … why?”
“Well, it’s kind of a cost of doing business here. R’lyeh’s a dangerous place. Old Ones lurking on every corner. We thought we’d get tattoos of protective sigils on ourselves, and then we could negotiate from a place of safety.”
“O…kay?”
“Dude, you should check out the one I got on my back. Hey Sergio!”
“Yeah?” Sergio yells back to you.
“I’m on the phone with Dave. Quick, come take a picture of my back and text it to him!”
“That’s … not really necessary,” Dave says.
“It’s so cool! You have to see it,” you say, peeling up the back of your shirt. Sergio takes a picture and sends it to your boss. “I swear, these sigils are so much cooler than tribal tattoos or kanji. If more people knew how rad they looked, everyone would be coming down to R’lyeh to get their tats.” You look over at Sergio. “Has it gone through yet?”
“He should get it right about … now.”
“Hey Dave! Dave! Check out my tattoo in Sergio’s text!”
Dave sighs audibly, but there’s a momentary pause where he must be checking Sergio’s text. “That’s not a sigil of protection,” he says.
“What do you mean?”
“I know how to read elder signs. That’s not a ward at all. Quite the contrary.”
“What’s it say?”
“It says, ‘Eat me, for lo, I am tasty.’”
As if on cue, the waters nearby churn as a massive sea-dwelling Elder God begins to surface.