Cats
28 Dec 2020Today’s prompt: “You are a loser who lives alone with a cat and have for quite some time. One day your cat can’t take it anymore and starts talking. What does it say?”
“Hey. You should probably know – the big cats are coming.”
“Who was that?”
“Me. The cat.”
“What? Say something again.”
“Uh, like I said, the big cats are coming. You should probably do something. Like leave town.”
“Oh my god, your mouth is moving and everything. Okay, whoever’s doing that, I get that you’re probably projecting your voice in or something, but how are you making his mouth move? Is this a prank or something?”
“Who’d want to prank you? You’re the most boring person alive. The most exciting thing you do is open my Fancy Feast cans. Speaking of which, can you get me more of the Gravy Lovers? After we move, of course. I cannot stress this highly enough – the big cats are coming, and they are trouble.”
“Okay, if that’s really my cat talking, when did you get the ability to talk?”
“I’ve always been able to talk.”
“But why did you never talk before?”
“Because there was no need, and you’re not exactly the most urbane conversationalist. But now there is a need. The big cats are coming. This is a life and death situation.”
“I can’t get over it. A talking cat!”
“If you’re not going to do anything about the big cats, can you give me my dinner early and then let me outside?”
“Hold on, let me grab my phone so I can get this on video. Okay, I’m ready. Say something funny!”
Your cat stares daggers at you, then slowly and deliberately goes to the door and scratches at it. You keep trying to convince it to talk to you again, but it remains silent, and eventually you open the door and let it out. It doesn’t return.
The next day, a cat the size of a house bounds up and grabs you out of your front yard with its mouth, then tosses you two blocks. It catches up to you and bats you around with its paws. When it’s done with you, it takes your body to a giant house with a giant doormat. It mews and scratches loudly at the giant door. A giant woman opens the door, and the big cat twitches its tail with pride.
“Oh yay,” the giant woman says, picking you up with disgust. “Another present.”