Asking for a Raise
28 Sep 2020Today’s prompt: “Why your boss should give you a raise”
You enter your boss’s office. She’s in the middle of adding a pie chart to a PowerPoint. You cough politely, and she looks up.
“Hey, Joan,” you say with only a slight stammer. “Do you have a minute?”
“What’s up?” she asks, locking her screen and turning towards you.
“I was thinking,” you say. “I’ve been working here for a little while now. And in the first half of the year, I met all of my sales goals. Surpassed them, even.”
“Uh huh,” Joan says.
“Our NPS scores have been really good this year, too, and I think I was a big part of that. Christine from Markie sent that one email that had really positive things to say about my customer service.”
“Yeah, I remember that,” Joan says.
“And, of course, there was the time earlier this year that band of Cursus raiders attacked,” you say, suppressing a shudder as you remember the clan of warriors in their red jackets and snake tattoos. “I managed to protect our inventory from three of them!”
“Until the fourth murdered you with the blade from the paper cutter and they made off with everything.”
“Three out of four ain’t bad,” you say.
“Look,” Joan says. “I appreciate that you get really good customer service ratings for a ghost. But we just made a big life insurance payout to your family. We’re not giving you a raise, too.”
Joan unlocks her computer, signalling that the conversation is over, and you float glumly through the wall of her office.