Once Upon a Mattress

Today’s prompt: “You are going to appear on a talk show. The producer comes backstage to elicit a funny story that the host should focus on. Write the story like a monologue you’re giving on national TV.”

So the other day I decided to replace this crappy old mattress I’ve had for like, way too long. I order the new mattress, and the day after it arrives I decide to take my old mattress to Goodwill. So I put the mattress in the back of my truck and drop it off at their donation site, and on the drive back home I’m sitting in traffic when I hear just this really loud “thunk” sound and my truck shook a bit. Thought maybe I’d been rear-ended. So I get out of the truck, and the driver behind me just looks white as a sheet, and he’s like, pointing at the back of my truck. I look into the back, and Christ almighty, there’s a body there, half-covered by a ripped up parachute. And all I can think is man, too bad this didn’t happen like twenty minutes ago.