The Argument
22 Nov 2019Today’s prompt: “Tell the story of the time you lost an argument.”
“Look, even if you don’t think Cthulhu exists, you might as well believe in Cthulhu. There’s no harm in believing it if he doesn’t exist, and if he does, you’ll be well prepared to run away from him the moment you see a stray tentacle appearing over the horizon as his footsteps shake the ground.”
“Regardless of what my own beliefs actually are, that’s a bad argument,” you say. “There are tons of cults that have mutually exclusive beliefs. They all say their Old One is the only Old One. So I can watch out for Cthulhu, or I can watch out for Hastur, or I can watch out for Shub-Niggurath … it all gets ridiculous after a while. Also, you clearly haven’t proven Cthulhu exists; you’re just telling me I’m better off for pretending he does. If you were arguing for the existence of a benevolent and omniscient god, I might argue that pretending I believe would be ridiculous since the god would know my true feelings. But you’re not even arguing for the existence of a benevolent and omniscient god. You’re arguing on behalf of a chaotic, evil god who would devour me whether I believe in him or not.”
“Still! You have everything to gain, nothing to lose, by believing in him!”
“It’s not like believing in Cthulhu is consequence-free. To prove their belief in him, believers have to make regular human sacrifices. Imagine making those to a god that doesn’t even exist! Think about the harm being done!”
“Look, all I’m saying is, flee while you have the chance!”
“Sure, and if I were to actually see Cthulhu, I’m sure I would,” you say. “But when you’re making an extraordinary claim, like the existence of Cthulhu, the burden of proof is on you.”
“All I’m saying is you’d be a lot safer if–”. Your debate opponent’s words are cut off by the thunderous footsteps of Cthulhu. There is no fleeing in time. And for what it’s worth, he eats believers and nonbelievers alike.