Imaginary Frenemy
24 Jun 2019Today’s prompt: “Introduce your long-time imaginary friend.”
“Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!”
You wouldn’t think that overly-apostrophed, heavily fricatived phrase could be turned into a sing-song rhyme. But Piper found a way.
“Cut it out, Piper. It’s not funny anymore.”
Piper cocks her head to the side. “Oh, is somebody being a widdle saddums?” she says. “You don’t have to be a saddums! Cthulhu is coming!”
“I know,” you say, desperately trying to concentrate on the spellbook before you, trying to find a reverse-summoning spell, something to put back to sleep the monster awakened by a local cult.
“Cthulhu is coming! Cthulhu is coming!” her voice cries out like a nursery rhyme, obnoxious and impossible to ignore, as she loop-de-loops around the ceiling.
“Why are you here?” you scream at the impish figure. “Why, after all these years, did you pry your way out of my imagination?”
“I want to be devoured by Cthulhu!” Piper shrieks with laughter.
“Well, when he shows up, I’ll be sure to send him your way,” you mutter, turning again to your book. You finish flipping through the chapter. There’s nothing useful in here. You grab another book.
Piper alights at your elbow. “Why aren’t you happy? You wanted this when you were a kid.”
“I was indoctrinated into this when I was a kid. When I got older, I learned to think for myself. And I decided that I didn’t want to have a big monster eat me and destroy the world. Living is nice, and the earth is where I keep all my stuff.”
And there it is. The one spell that can put this genie back in the bottle. You tremble as you lift up the book to recite it. This can all be fixed.
Piper glances at the page, then glares at you. “Traitor!” she shouts, and flies toward an open window.
“Throdog Cthulhu, hai nogephaii l’ fhtagn,” you chant. “Nogephaii l’ gn’thorr, l’ R’lyeh. Nogephaii–”
“Hey, Mr. Cthulhu!” Piper’s voice rings out in the dead of night. “Over here! Eat this one!”
Giant footsteps make the dishes in your cabinets rattle. You feel like an extra in a kaiju film.
“Nogephaii l’ shugnah ot fhtagnshoggg,” you read, your voice halting.
“Right here!” Piper’s voice calls.
Scaly fingers tear the roof from your house, and a watery bellow erupts from between green mouth-tentacles.
It figures, with your luck, that the only one besides you who could hear your imaginary friend would be Cthulhu.